I’ve been feminist-ing too hard. Way too hard.

My tone has taken on quite the man-bashing vibe and it’s scaring women away. We’ve really got to tamp down the rhetoric on misogyny, sexual harassment, rape culture and gender bias. These kind of discussions are really negative and not helpful to the plight of women. This organization should be more positivity centered for women. Sunshine and rainbows. Girl power. Beautiful oblivion.

This is exactly why feminists are so often labeled man-haters. I am part of the problem. Shit.

I’m so sorry, ladies.

But also, I haven’t been feminist-ing enough.

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We really screwed up in planning our next Tribe event – we planned it at a restaurant in Bedford. Even worse, we’re charging a fee to cover some of the costs of running this organization. I mean, obviously an organization built for women with the mission of owning the word feminism and breaking the stigma of the word itself should really be more inclusive. Hosting an event in a wealthy zip code and charging attendees to defray the costs is absurd, and I should have known better.

I mean, Bedford is a suburb. What about all of the feminists in inner cities who rely on public transportation? Public transportation is nearly non-existent in New Hampshire, so why the hell would we even base this organization here? Our privilege is showing and I’m really embarrassed about it.

We need to do better, and that starts with being more inclusive. No more money involved and no more wealthy zip codes. I can’t believe that actually had to be explained to me.

I’m so sorry ladies.

But even worse, I’ve forgotten to act like a lady.

I should know by now that I can’t be taken seriously if I curse. Ladies don’t do that. I have been too loud, too blunt and talking about way too much. As a lady, I should act the part – otherwise I’ll just hurt the cause. I really need to rename the organization based on breaking to stigma of the word ‘feminist’ to something a little classier, and more ladylike.

I’m so sorry ladies.

I’m also mom-ing wrong.

I have a daughter who is depending on me to show her the way through life. She needs to know that women can be in the workforce, so I never should have left Corporate America. I’m setting a terrible example by being just a stay at home mom. It’s kind of lazy and definitely a throwback to women being homemakers. But at least my husband could sleep while I got up with her as an infant since I didn’t have a real job.

Worse than just being a mom, I work from home. How will my daughter ever know that I love her when I insist on working and not spending ever waking moment being her mama? I have been so selfish building my own business. It’s probably broken her already. Working moms aren’t good for the family – I can’t keep my house clean and I’m missing all the important milestones in her life when I take client calls with her sleeping on my shoulder. I will forever regret this choice.

Except, here’s the thing.

I’m not fucking sorry.  You know what all of the above points have in common? Not only have they all actually been said to me (for real), but they were all said to me by women. You read that right – I’m damned if I do, and damned if I don’t, because of women. You know what isn’t helping the cause? Policing each other. There is enough policing of women without women playing into the madness. We should be supporting each other, and each other’s right to speak her thoughts however she sees fit. We need to do better at this.

This madness needs to stop. Policing a woman’s tone, topic, word choice, or brand of feminism isn’t being a feminist – it’s being a silencer. Feminism 101: Women Have The Right To Make Their Own Decisions. You don’t have to like it, you don’t have to do it, and you don’t have to blindly agree with women because they are women, but you do have to be mindful of respecting other women. Respecting other women means respect their right to make their own decisions. That’s what we’re all fighting for, no?

Ladies, let’s all do better. It’s not all sunshine and rainbow, but it’s a good fight.

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